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Hilarious quotes from ITV's Formula 1 motor racing commentator Murray "Motormouth" Walker.

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Weird and wacky quotes from the ex-England football coach.

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The sayings of ex-Manchester United boss turned TV soccer pundit, "Mr Bojangles" himself - "Big" Ron Atkinson.

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QM@100

The Queen Mother celebrated her 100th birthday on 4 August 2000. The wit and wisdom of the Queen Mother.

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Baffling Bushisms

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British Deputy PM John "2 Jags" Prescott carries on where Prince Philip, the Duke of Edinburgh, left off.

Extracts from actual letters sent to various county councils and housing associations throughout the UK from disgruntled tenants.

The News in Numbers

The numbers which have been making the headlines.

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Genuine answers to GCSE exams. If in doubt try and make the marker smile!!!

Lost in the translation

Advertising slogans that got mangled up!

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Complaints submitted by aircraft pilots to maintenance engineers and their responses...

The last words of kings, queens, courtiers, lawyers, murderers, doctors, poets, painters, priests, saints, martyrs, philosophers, actors, actresses, millionaires and sportsmen...before they shuffled off their mortal coils.

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Pithy quotes from the world of entertainment, sport and the man in the street

Who has been making the news in 2000-2001

Death

"Good men must die, but death cannot kill their names."

Proverb

"Pale death with an impartial foot knocks at the hovels of the poor and the palaces of king."

Horace

"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve it through not dying."

Woody Allen

"One should die proudly when it is no longer possible to live proudly."

Nietzsche

"Rotten bones are all the same. Who can tell them apart? Make haste to enjoy life while you have it. Why care what happens when you're dead?"

Yang Chu

"It is better to die on your feet than to live on your knees."

Delores Ibarruri

"A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic."

Josef Stalin

"Men talk of killing time, while time quietly kills them."

Dion Boucicault

"Since the day of my birth, my death began its walk.
It is walking toward me, without hurrying."

Jean Cocteau

That the end of life should be death may sound sad; yet what other end can anything have?

George Santayana

"He who dies with the most toys is, nonetheless, still dead."

Anon

"Old age isn't so bad when you consider the alternative."

Maurice Chevalier

Keep not your kisses for my dead, cold brow;
The way is lonely, let me feel them now.
When dreamless rest is mine, I shall not need
The tenderness for which I long tonight.

Arabella Eugenia Smith (1845-1916)
[If I Should Die Tonight]

The grave’s a fine and private place, But none, I think, do there embrace.

Andrew Marvell

[To His Coy Mistress]

And I looked, and behold a pale horse: and his name that sat on him was Death.

Revelation 6:8

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O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory?

1 Corinthians 55

To His Coy Mistress

by Andrew Marvell

Had we but world enough, and time,
This coyness, Lady, were no crime.
We would sit down, and think which way
To walk, and pass our long love’s day.
Thou by the Indian Ganges’ side
Shouldst rubies find: I by the tide
Of Humber would complain. I would
Love you ten years before the flood:
And you should, if you please, refuse
Till the conversion of the Jews.
My vegetable love should grow
Vaster than empires, and more slow.
An hundred years should go to praise
Thine eyes, and on thy forehead gaze.
Two hundred to adore each breast:
But thirty thousand to the rest.
An age at least to every part,
And the last age should show your heart:
For, Lady, you deserve this state;
Nor would I love at lower rate.
But at my back I always hear
Time’s winged chariot hurrying near:
And yonder all before us lie
Deserts of vast eternity.
Thy beauty shall no more be found;
Nor, in thy marble vault, shall sound
My echoing song: then worms shall try
That long-preserved virginity:
And your quaint honour turn to dust;
And into ashes all my lust.
The grave’s a fine and private place,
But none, I think, do there embrace.
Now, therefore, while the youthful glue
Sits on thy skin like morning dew,
And why thy willing soul transpires
At every pore with instant fires,
Now let us sport us while we may;
And now, like amorous birds of prey,
Rather at once our time devour,
Than languish in his slow-chapped power.
Let us roll all our strength, and all
Our sweetness, up into one ball:
And tear our pleasures with rough strife,
Through the iron gates of life.
Thus, though we cannot make our sun
Stand still, yet we will make him run.

"The only difference between a rut and a grave is their dimensions."

Ellen Glasgow

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This site was created and is maintained by Martyn Peter Wilkinson. Quotes and images not my own remain in the copyright of the originator or else in the public domain. The information contained in this web site is intended for entertainment, educational, historical, and informational purposes only.